In working with young athletes, I always start with a conversation with the adults. It's impossible to objectively assess a child's state without understanding the overall atmosphere in the family and the context in which they grow and train.
My working process is structured sequentially:
- The first session always takes place with the parent for a comprehensive assessment of the situation.
- The second meeting is held individually with the child to build rapport and understand their perspective on sports and challenges.
- At the intersection of these two meetings, we formulate a common request that addresses the interests and needs of both the parent and the young athlete. We come to a common denominator.
- Next, we continue regular work with the athlete while maintaining constant communication with the parent through brief targeted dialogues. If necessary, we conduct consultations for parents to maintain teamwork and a common direction of movement.
Sometimes, achieving qualitative results does not require deep family therapy. It's enough to help the parent view the situation from a different angle.
The Situation
A mother reached out to me about her nine-year-old daughter, who is a synchronized swimmer. The athlete is talented and very hardworking. In regular training sessions, all elements of the program are performed cleanly and confidently.
However, as soon as it came time to step up to the start, a real impasse began. A paralyzing fear would arise, tears would flow at the edge of the pool, and there would be a categorical refusal to perform complex technical elements before the judges.
In synchronized swimming, one person's mistake affects the entire group's result, so the child's internal tension grew exponentially. The girl feared letting down her coach, disappointing the club, but most of all, she feared disappointing her mother.
The Hidden Cause
The mother genuinely loves her daughter, sees her efforts, and knows how hard the child works in training. But the burden of responsibility for the team's results and natural parental anxiety took their toll: the mother's anxiety periodically took over.
When anxiety prevails, attention unintentionally begins to focus on risks. The mother worried about whether her daughter would handle it this time, whether she would freeze in front of the judges, whether she would cry again at the edge of the pool. This internal tension from the adult does not need to be voiced aloud—children pick up on it instantly. The girl felt this wariness and carried not only her own worries to the start but also her mother's anxiety.
What We Did
With the girl, we conducted deep work on fear and physical tension. We learned to listen to our body's signals and manage our excitement. We separated this fear from the girl herself, brought it to the surface, and gave it a funny name. This helped to remove the excessive seriousness and drama: fear no longer seemed invincible, and it became possible to negotiate and interact with it more calmly.
Simultaneously, in brief dialogues with the mother, we shifted the focus:
- Highlighting Wins. We regularly returned to the real successes of the girl and the challenging situations she had already handled in the water.
- Changing the Perspective. We learned to view events not through the lens of potential failures but through respect for the tremendous effort and character of a nine-year-old child.
- Reducing Overall Control. The mother came to rely on the fact that her daughter is strong and prepared, and that her anxiety is not a catastrophe to fight against but a natural part of the journey.
The Result
When the mother could rely on her daughter's real successes and her internal anxiety receded, the overall tension in the family noticeably decreased.
The girl no longer felt like just an athlete obligated to deliver results, but as a living child allowed to feel nervous, to make mistakes, and even to cry. And there is nothing irreparable about that.
From that moment on, the young athlete began to experience genuine self-acceptance. The muscle tension began to dissipate naturally. The fear of elements diminished, and in its place, freedom of movement in the water, confidence, and a lively sports interest returned.